Assurance

Periodically, I like to look back over my journal and read past entries. The journal I have here only goes back to the Charlotte airport on June 21st. I wrote my first entry when I was alone, about to board my first plane of this journey- to Memphis, TN (Southaven, MS)- for my Pre-Field Orientation. When I read my words: about trouble, confusion, heartache and worry, I experience, again, the crazy whirlwind of emotions that defined my life then. I'm also able to view them with a sober mind,with distance, and praise God that the same whirlwind of emotions no longer defines or consumes me. Well, most of the time. The Lord has brought me to a "level ground" in regard to my emotions. This will continue to be a struggle of my life (due to my gender, genetics, and personality-haha), but I know that these struggles and life-changes have happened to produce in me "zeal" and "longing" and "repentance", and for those, I am indeed thankful.
There's a song we sing in chapel called "I am on a Journey/Free to Fly". The words are as follows:

I am on a journey; You lead me as I go.
Whatever weighs me down I will let go.
I am on a journey; You're everything I need.
Nothing now, can hold me down; the Truth has set me free.
Free to jump, free to dance, free to live in the power of the Son.
Free to dance, free to sing, in You there's victory.
I am saved. I will obey. I am Yours. I am free.... to fly.

Even if they're from a cheesy kids' song.. they still ring true. We're on a journey called life. If we allow God to lead us it will be the most amazing adventure we could [n]ever imagine.
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I've been listening to a sermon series on Song of Songs (from CharlotteOne). It's been pretty insightful. I wanted to share some of the things I've heard:
*Physical beauty is to be praised as a gift from God (not despised or ignored).
              I like this, a lot. I feel like a lot of people are in one of two polar opposite camps on this issue. There are those that think about their beauty (as well as others'), do their best to keep up to the unrealistic standard the world places on beauty, and believe looks are an absolute reflection of the inner person. Then, there are those people who care very little about their looks, behave unhealthily, and back it up with 1 Sam. 16:7 and 1Tim. 2:9. God created beauty. He doesn't want us to neglect our bodies, despise the gift of beauty, or talk ourselves into ignoring it. Neither does He want us to elevate it to a position it doesn't deserve by worshipping it or tending to it with more care than our inner person- our relationship with Him. There must be a meeting place somewhere between the two extremes.
*Women's struggle in the area of control carries over into wanting to "arouse or awaken love before it so desires". "Arouse" and "awaken" are verbs and imply initiative. The original choice to take control (by Eve, in the Garden) resulted in immediate shame. It caused Adam and Eve to feel shame for the first time. The sin to take control keeps us in the dark.
          The Lord truly knows I struggle with wanting to control. Every woman I know struggles with the same thing. We want to control men, our jobs, the pace of our relationships, the words people say, our children, our friends, our churches. We feel like if we were in charge we could solve the world's problems and make things run smoothly. "Your desire will be for your husband and he shall rule over you" really hits home for me. I'm not even married and my desire for my husband is something I deal with daily. The struggle to let men control dating relationships is hard for women. We want to talk things out, find out where they're going, and plan for a future we can't yet be promised. Women, we must not let Satan trick us into thinking it's okay for us to try to control everything. We have to stop equating "strong" with "bossy" and "hard-headed". Being a strong woman means "firmly rooted in Christ" not "my way or the highway".
*Lies women, especially, believe:
              1) Our bodies are our identities
              2) If I'm alone, there's something wrong with me
              3) Everything must appear to be perfect
              4) I must compromise to feel accepted


That's all for now. You should go listen to the sermons yourself.

Blessings :)